Should I give up on my pot smoking boyfriend?
I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He was a pot smoker when we met, and according to him has smoked from age 12 or 13 basically every day. I told him as soon as things were getting serious that if he wanted to be with me that he had to quit his habit. He told me that he always told himself that he would never quit for a girl and that he couldn’t do that for me. About a week later he had changed his mind, so we started talking again. Over the course of 2 years I have been lied to multiple times about him sneaking around and smoking. He will tell me after the fact–months later after he has relapsed and has started up smoking once a day or multiple times a week. He’ll stop again and then ask me if he can smoke the next week or month.
He acts like he wants to quit and says he’s going to. He tells me that he’s trying, that he’s improved so much but I can’t see if because I don’t know how bad the problem was before, and flat out has said that he’s addicted. We’ve had many talks about it and even cried together over it. I want to think he genuinely cares and is really trying but part of me thinks I’m being naive. Before him I’ve always been around “straight edge” people. I hadn’t really experienced anyone with an addiction. Sometimes I think he is just dragging me along for the ride for as long as he can because he doesn’t want to be alone; like he will tell me whatever I want to hear to keep me with him. But on the other side, if he is really being genuine, I think that myself out of everybody should be supporting him and the last one to give up. I am reaching the end of my rope, I don’t want to give up because I do love him and I have my heart set on being with him in the long run if I knew I could trust him to quit.
I just want him to be honest with me and to be able to be honest with myself about the situation. Can someone really be that addicted to pot? Do “potheads” have addictive behaviors like hard drug users like lying and manipulating to somehow keep using? Could he be being genuine or am I being blind?
*A side note in case anyone is wondering… my problem with his pot smoking in general is just that I want to be around a clear-headed, present person. I want the person I’m with to enjoy life in their own skin, and life in general without the help of a drug or substance. I know it could be worse, but I still can’t justify it as good or healthy in a relationship.
April 10th, 2011 at 4:25 pm
Your concerns are justifiable. However, you cannot ‘help him through it’ nor will he ‘quit for you.’ He is powerless over marijuana. Time to walk away.
April 10th, 2011 at 5:02 pm
Yes, someone can be addicted to pot. If he is sneaking around, he probably is addicted.
It sounds like you have already come to the conclusion yourself… this is not a good relationship. I’m one of those people totally against drug use. Smoking pot like this would be a deal-breaker for me.
He may be a good person. An addiction doesn’t necessarily make someone evil. However, do you really want to stay with him knowing he’ll probably continue this habit? That’s the question you have to ask.
April 10th, 2011 at 5:03 pm
He is never going to change. This will only go from bad to worse. I guess it all depends on what you want the rest of YOUR life to be like. My advise is leave him before you waste any more of your very precious life on him. It sounds cheezy but the day you break it off will be the first day of the rest of your life. Find someone that puts YOU first. He really is out there.
April 10th, 2011 at 5:03 pm
give up on him now…… there are a lot of guys out there that is better and good than him.
April 10th, 2011 at 5:27 pm
He’s going to keep smoking until he decides to quit. His initial statement that he would never quit for a girl was truthful. When he said he had changed his mind and would quit smoking for you he was lying – to himself and to you.
Yes, people can be that addicted to pot.
The lying and manipulating are in reaction to you trying to force him to quit. If you were cool with him smoking as much as he wanted to smoke, he wouldn’t need to lie and manipulate in order to do it.
If you truly want, “a clear-headed, present person. I want the person I’m with to enjoy life in their own skin, and life in general without the help of a drug or substance”, I suggest you move on.
Not to say he can’t or won’t stop, it’s just very unlikely in my experience and, your whole life with him, if you stay, is going to be a series of fights and disappointments resulting from his addiction.
April 10th, 2011 at 6:21 pm
Best idea is to leave him
April 10th, 2011 at 7:00 pm
coming from a fellow “pothead”, take it from me- He is not going to quit unless HE wants to. And since he said in the beginning that he would never give it up for a girl, then that is the truth. Unfortunately, he is lying about quitting. it’s like you said, he just doesn’t want to be alone. I can say this with almost 100% certainty because I do the same thing with my boyfriend. He tells me that he won’t “allow” me to smoke. So what do I do? I do it whenever I get a chance. It’s the rebel in all of us. If I were you, I would just move on with your life. sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s the truth.
April 10th, 2011 at 7:45 pm
He`ll likely never , ever quit !! I have known several people for years that smoke pot daily , so I`m talking from personal experience !
What you`ve heard about it being non-addictive and harmless is BALONEY !! Pot-heads tell you that because they want to drag you in and down to THEIR miserable level !! Have you ever met , or heard of a pot-head become a success at ANYTHING ?? It just doesn`t happen !!
They`re always in a semi-stupor at best !! If not high ….. then coming down and miserable !! They can`t think straight …….. can`t hold down a job for very long ……….. are always “confused” ……….. and almost totally useless for ANYTHING !!
This is the way they live , and this is the way they`ll be till the day they die !! …………… COUNT ON IT !!
DONT waste your time with this lifelong loser , because one day you`ll wake up and realize it was the WORST mistake you ever made !!!! ……….. I GUARANTEE IT !!
DON`t feel sorry for him ……….because he`s living his life exactly the way he wants to ! DON`T believe his lies about wanting to quit …………. and DON`T waste your time trying to “help” him because you`ll accomplish nothing …. ever !!
Just walk away and don`t look back !! If you don`t …………. you`ll be sorry !!
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